I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Randomize