I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
