Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
