i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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