I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
