We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize