nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
