Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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