I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
a search helicopter?!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize