He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
