i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
