i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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