Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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