I just pynch a tree in the face
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
is wine microwaveable?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
