The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
