You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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