we have officially lost it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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