I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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