you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
