I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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