yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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