Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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