Well douche your snatch and let's go!
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
