Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize