I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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