Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
