what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You're like the curious george of whores
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
