whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
