can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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