her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
