I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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