Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Randomize
