birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
