oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
