Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
When did angry sex become our thing?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize