My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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