Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
