What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
