my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
