Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
