And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
