i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
