I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
