the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
