the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
