Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
