i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
