If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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