Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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