It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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