You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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