how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
