His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
