you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
