she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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