considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
