ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
