why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
After last night, I could never be a politician.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
