Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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