I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
