Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
