I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I am mentally ready for anal.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
