woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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