Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize