I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize